I knew that I wanted to make a change when I couldn’t go longer than five minutes without needing some sort of stimulus. Music, podcasts, movies, reels, a combination of them or all at once (maybe) made up the soundtrack of my life. This inability to sit still, to pay attention without seeking distraction, is not unique to me, nor is the feeling that the infinite scroll leaves you depleted and feeling more bored. But I don’t want to default to this state of being.
I want to stop using screens, music and podcaststo fill in the gaps when I should have downtime. I want to be able to be bored. For me, boredom is a state where nothing seems to curb the appetite of wanting to do something. Taking a couple of months to consciously stop the mindless use of devices and instead use my downtime for time with myself, in local spaces, will instil a sense of quietness, I think, that will help me slow down and learn to exist without needing digital distractions. It’s embarrassing to not be able to tolerate boredom. But not only that, it’s scary not being able to decide where to direct one’s attention.
As I set out on my challenge, I hoped this would lead me down the path towards greater attention and awareness of the world around me, where stopping to smell the roses was not only worth my time but I’d notice there were roses there to begin with. I want to rebuild my attention.
Week one
The novelty of starting something new has me excited and optimistic.
It starts with disentangling myself from my phone; deleting my social media apps and not listening to anything on my commute or while doing mundane tasks.
This is definitely uncomfortable and hard at first (I keep coming up with things to do to avoid being bored, who would’ve thought!), but it is not entirely unpleasant when I finally do just stare into space. It’s refreshing to have the time and space to hear my thoughts.
Week two
Walking around without having my ears budded up is beginning to make me notice things that I usually don’t look twice at.
But when I get some unexpected news about my living situation, I feel the urge to purge myself of all negative emotions. The solution? Disassociation through copious amounts of multimedia content.
I feel guilty about my backsliding before my video call with Prof James Danckert, an expert in the psychology of boredom at the University of Waterloo, Canada. Could he tell that I wasn’t bored enough?
But the cognitive neuroscientist explains that forcing boredom or becoming “boredom prone” isn’t good for you.
It turns out that I was wrong about boredom. Danckert tells me it’s actually “a highly motivated state – but in the moment it’s frustrating because you want to be doing something that matters to you but you can’t find an outlet for that motivation”.
Boredom is useful as it pushes us to explore our environmentsand engage in something meaningful, he says. The hard part is finding or rediscovering the “thing” that matters to you.
So I decide this challenge is no longer about wanting to be bored, but learning how to tolerate the sensations of boredom so that I have the space to train my attention on where I am and want to be.
Week three
After my conversation with Danckert, I think about what it felt like to be bored and how long it had been since I had that feeling. When was the last time I let that angsty restlessness bubble up in me? When had I last paced aimlessly around my living room?
The silence that I wanted to avoid is not as scary as I thought it would be. It’s actually helping me discern the things in my life that deserve my attention and care.
I was so used to jumping from stimulus to stimulus that as I begin to lean into the silence, I realise that I have more time because the world doesn’t operate at 10 TikToks a minute. So with this time that I’ve regained I make a list of things that I’ve been wanting to do and would do during these weeks. Up top is a desire to get back into drawing.
Sitting down, I instinctively reach for my phone but instead stop to think about what I actually want to do. Instead of letting idle scrolling deplete me, maybe this feeling can be put towards something that energises me. It’s time I finally put my photos up and make my room feel like mine.
Week four
I start to go on frequent walks outside during my downtime while still earbud-less.
I notice a bottlebrush staining the sidewalks and jacaranda trees beginning to bud in spots I didn’t expect to see bright purple. Was summer really that close? Seeing these cues from nature reminds me of the way time moves, beyond the numbers on a clock, and in a very physical sense that marks the ground we walk on.
I realise that the way I had been thinking about time was wrong. It was being condensed when I binged social media apps. By stopping to pay attention to the things around me, time was being stretched back out.
Week five
During a moment of boredom-induced reflection, I think about the friends’ birthdays I have lined up this weekand remember my list of things I want to do. One item on the list stands out: make birthday cards!
I used to make cards all the time when I was a child. I wonder why I hadn’t made time for this when I love making gifts for my friends. Maybe I didn’t think I had enough time, didn’t care enough or lacked the concentration to see the process from start to finish.
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When I give them to my friends the response is so much better than expected. It leaves me feeling full; this was time well spent.
Week six
There have been moments where I feel self-conscious not being nose deep on my phone or having my ears plugged up. I notice that when waiting for something, those around me default to pulling out their phones.
By tuning into my boredom, resisting the calls for my attention, I am actively choosing to be present, which honestly wasn’t a feeling I was well acquainted with. However, because my capacity to sit with myself has grown, I’ve noticed it deepening my friendships. I’ve now got something more to say, as opposed to just entertaining my friends with nonsensical memes. I get a sense of a connection that goes beyond seeing the same piece of content.
Week seven
Despite being this far into the challenge, the desire to consume some type of content is ever-present. I think back to my conversation with Danckert, who assured me there was nothing wrong with “vegging out” but to “be aware of the fact that that’s what we want to do”.
So I decided to try watching slow television as a substitute for what I usually engage in (my comfort sitcoms) to help cultivate that feeling of stillness.
I started the seven-hour train journey from Bergen to Oslo and although it was boring, I had this ability to take my time in choosing where I directed my attention and when to stop.
Week eight
Tuning into boredom is easier when you’re out of the city! So I go to the Barren Grounds nature reserve with a couple friends to switch up how we usually hang out.
Being immersed in local wildlife and surrounded by the unyielding vegetation fills me with a deep sense of awe and curiosity. Although I’d been appreciative of this more on my daily walks, the disconnection from the human world helps me put into perspective what I’ve cultivated since embarking on this journey to boredom – I’ve built more of a tolerance for being with myself, making each day feel properly lived in.
Week nine
I take myself out on a dilly-dally around the city and find I am able to let the idiosyncrasies of the world entertain me. Sitting at a cafe I people-watch, and while my mind runs freely I notice – with glee – that I don’t need an external stimulus to spark thought.
I start to engage literally in the world around me. On the bus a couple loudly argue about what stop they need to get off at. Noticing other passengers were preoccupied on their phones, I immediately responded to them. They seemed grateful that someone took heed of their plight.
Their stop is my own home stop, and as I get off the bus I’m deeply appreciative that I know where I am without second-guessing myself. I’ve known where I was the whole time. Being able to share that knowledge with other people reaffirms my sense of being part of this city.
The end
The simplicity of the changes I made to my routine have made these two-and-a-bit months pretty unremarkable.
I used to have a habit of seeking, but now I am more than happy to just notice. It feels like I have a choice in how I spend my time. I’m better off for it. Becoming better at recognising the signs of boredom and not stressing about doing nothing has helped me form a deeper form of attention and connection with the world.
Most things feel like they’ll stick, but after the days were up I couldn’t help but binge my social media apps. It seems that my desire for immediate gratification is something that will perpetually be a work in progress.
Despite this I keep coming back to what Danckert said when I asked him what part phones play in all this: “We just turn to them and pick them up without thinking: do I need a recharge or do I need to do something that matters to me? And if you ask that question every time you pick up the phone, then you might put it down more times than you think.”
It’s too easy to get lost in a world that excels at capturing your attention. But I’ve rediscovered a place where I want to be bored in.
