Hi I’m Ruby, a personality hire accidentally turned music industry It girl. I’m sure everyone who writes this column says they’re chronically online but I’ve somehow made it into a job! I am on the programming team for Laneway festival – I help to book the lineup then I make silly TikToks to promote it. I know – my back is breaking from carrying this company! (I actually do have chronic back pain but that’s a story for another day.)
I’ve always dreamt of doing this segment but as soon as I was asked my mind went blank and I instantly became the least funny person in the world. I can’t think of a single funny thing! This is actually my worst nightmare? Here’s some stuff I’ve sent my friends recently, sorry!!!
1. My favourite Brat meme
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In the spirit of brat summer in the southern hemisphere, and because I’ve had to save a tonne of Charli xcx-related videos for Laneway, here’s my favourite brat album meme. It’s also something I would like to recreate side of stage at Charli.
2. Caleb Hearon – sleep pant story
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Caleb Hearon, Brittany Broski and Drew Afualo are my father, son and holy spirit of comedy on TikTok. Caleb has to be one of the funniest people on this Earth and his podcast is usually just a vessel for other people to bring out his insanely hilarious and embarrassing personal stories. My FYP is mostly made up of clips of his podcast spliced with slime or soap-cutting videos. It doesn’t matter how many times I’ve seen this clip, I’ll watch it again and again.
3. Raggy, you are rerving runt roo-night
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I urge you to do a deep dive into Tan’s videos, ESPECIALLY his Scooby-Doo ones. I’m someone who will always think a good Scooby-Doo impression is funny and I also love Drag Race, so this is tailor-made content for moi!
4. Kazzer
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The first of two important Karens on my list! Kazzer feels like looking into a crystal ball and seeing myself in 10 to 15 years. She is either pouring herself a cheeky drink or making herself a cheeky sweet treat while exclusively listening to Arctic Monkeys or Lana Del Rey. Is it a Gen X thirst trap? A message to empower other women? She’s a snack and she knows it! I could only dream of serving that fiercely.
5. Masc Billie Fish
Don’t know what there is to say about this one except I spat out my drink when I scrolled past this on Twitter. Twitter fully sucks so much now, it’s been totally ruined by You Know Who but occasionally I am brave enough to scroll through all the depressing shit to get to gems like this. I do it for my fans x
6. Adam Jockle
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My comfort himbo!! He is too sweet for this world. He’s out here trying his best to make content tailored to the female gaze and he comes out with this awkward, strange, yet somehow charming and endearing content.
If you like his cooking videos, scroll back and watch him try every Starbucks drink on the menu. I can’t get over the little bites he takes.
7. Dan Hentschel’s entire body of work
Well I WAS going to phone my parents and say, “Mum, Dad, I’m in the Guardian!” but I’ve flushed that down the shitter by linking “cocky want boing boing” in my otherwise highbrow column. Dan is a performance artist who takes on controversial personas like priests, teachers or old men doing/saying things on the internet they absolutely shouldn’t. Sometimes it’s rage bait, getting engagement from people who don’t know he’s being satirical. Sometimes he just seems fully manic, posting 100 TikToks in his car with Joker face paint. I am scared for his digital footprint but I cannot look away.
8. Mike’s Mic – Hoodwinked recap
This man is singlehandedly fixing my attention span! I have watched his Lost recaps (more than two hours long per season) TWICE and have actually started watching Lost so I can be up to date before his season three recap vid comes out.
On top of his massive series recaps, he does smaller dives into movies from the 2000s that all just so happen to speak to me on a deep level. The Scooby-Doo franchise, the Ocean’s movies, all the weird movies about rats that came out in a five-year window, and of course the long-forgotten treasure Hoodwinked! I force my friends to watch it with me annually.
I have a terrrrible parasocial relationship with you, Mr Mike. I just know that if the universe put us in the same room together we would queen out severely.
9. Karen Hausman
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This woman represents all that is good and wholesome on this sick, hedonistic app. She is always checking in and giving us life updates, letting us know how her holiday is going or showing us a new top. In this update our queen forgot to take the auto-sound effect off. The comment section is gold.
10. Pigeons at pride
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I’ve never seen a mind on the internet like Vinny’s. This is probably one of my all-time favourite TikToks. It’s so stupid. “Throw some bread!”
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You can fight with Ruby about these on Instagram @mubyriles, or on TikTok @rubymiles. Laneway festival 2025 is on in Auckland 6 February, Brisbane 8 February, Sydney 9 February, Melbourne 14 February, Adelaide 15 February and Perth 16 February
