Lots of couples keep secrets from each other – maybe you can’t stand their ‘signature dish’, or you say that ASOS haul was a whole lot cheaper than it was.
But in this week’s Sex Column, we hear from a reader who’s hiding something pretty big: she works for a sex hotline.
After losing her high-paying job, she started talking dirty to strangers to earn extra cash. While it’s easy money, she’s scared that if she tells her husband, he’ll force her to stop.
Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to read last week’s column about a man who began an affair with his married coworker, but can’t grasp why she won’t leave her husband for him.
The problem:
I love my husband very much and we have a great relationship, but I’ve recently taken a job that I’m pretty sure would make him go ballistic. Basically, I’m working on an ‘adult chat line’, which means I talk dirty to complete strangers and get paid for it.
I lost a well-paid job in finance last year but as we’re trying for a family, he told me to find something less stressful. Doing ‘sex chat’ would never have occurred to me, but I saw an advert and after weeks of wrestling with the morals of it, decided to give it a try.
I work when my husband is out, and wear headphones so everything is hands free and I can still do the ironing or other quiet jobs. I’ve realised I’m really good at it, and have regulars who come back time and again and spend lots of money.
Mostly I pretend to be older, as it’s amazing how many people want phone sex with ‘mature’ women; but I might pretend to be a foreign student or a dominatrix, or whatever the callers want me to be (as long as it’s legal). I have reminders on my phone, so I know who I am for each of my regulars.
It’s honestly money for nothing, as I can get on with other stuff while I’m talking to these guys (and it is always men, at least so far). I don’t get turned on by the work, although of course, the callers get hot and heavy, but that’s to be expected.
It’s all through an agency so perfectly safe, but I just feel bad that I’m doing it without my husband knowing. At the moment he thinks I’m just doing a bit of admin for a local business, but I feel terrible keeping this secret from him.
I want to be honest, but I’m afraid he’ll stop me doing something which not only pays the bills, but is actually quite easy and fun to do.
The advice:
If you were single and doing this job, I’d probably just tell you to go for it. But you’re keeping a huge secret from the person who matters most in your life, and that just doesn’t feel right.
My guess is that most guys would struggle with the idea of their partners talking dirty on the phone to complete strangers. Since receiving your email I’ve looked more into the subject, and it doesn’t even seem to be that well paid, although I get that some money is better than none.
You’ve nothing to lose by asking your husband what he’d think of you doing that line of work, and gauging his reaction. He might surprise you be being totally cool about it – after all, you’re not being unfaithful and the fact that you can continue doing the ironing whilst having phone sex, is in some ways quite impressive!
But if he makes clear that this line of work is a no-no, then you have a straight choice. Either you continue, knowing the rows and upset it will cause, or you quit and find a job which works better with your marriage.
It’s your call, but if you value your relationship, I know which I’d choose.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
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Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
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