It can be difficult to know how to support a loved one going through a cancer diagnosis — a lesson John Stamos is learning in real time.
In a gesture of support for his friend and Full House co-star Dave Coulier, who was recently diagnosed with “very aggressive” Stage 3 non-Hodgkin lymphoma, Stamos donned a bald cap and helped Coulier shave his head, sharing a carousel of photos to Instagram on Monday night to mark the cancer milestone.
“Nothing like throwing on a bald cap and flexing some Photoshop skills to show some love and solidarity with my bro @dcoulier,” Stamos said in the caption.
“You’re handling this with so much strength and positivity—it’s inspiring. I know you’re going to get through this, and I’m proud to stand with you every step of the way. I love you.”
Coulier revealed his cancer diagnosis to several publications last week, explaining that when he fell sick with a chest cold last month he was surprised to discover a golf ball-sized lump in his groin that swelled up out of nowhere. He said he’d noticed enlarged lymph nodes in his armpits and neck during past respiratory infections, but this was different.
“It swelled up immediately,” Coulier told Today. “I thought, ‘Wow, I’m either really sick, or my body’s really reacting to something.’”
The father of one shared he is in the midst of doing chemo and is expected to finish his treatment by February.
And while Stamos did what he thought was a kind gesture by cosplaying a bald person while shaving his friend’s head, some fans of the actors pointed out some problematic aspects to the show of solidarity.
“God bless Dave 🙏🏻 but is this really appropriate?” one person pointed out. “A bald cap is showing solidarity? You can just take your cap off and be ‘normal’ again. When people take this route they actually shave their head. I can’t help but feel that you’re using Dave’s diagnoses [sic] as a way to make yourself more likeable.”
“What a shallow gesture! Couldn’t even cut your hair off for your friend. And you made sure to post it on Instagram to get those likes too,” another person commented.
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“Uncle Jessie could never cut his hair,” another wrote, referencing Stamos’s famous thick, dark locks.
FILE – John Stamos appears at the American Music Awards in Los Angeles on Oct. 9, 2018.
Jordan Strauss / Invision via Getty Images
Others, however, applauded the act and defended Stamos.
“Awwww this is so cute … also, to anyone in the comments.. if Dave isn’t offended by this, you shouldn’t be either. And remember .. John is an actor and may need his hair for his JOB,” one person shared.
“Standing in solidarity isn’t just shaving your head. Don’t be cruel, they are lifelong friends,” another argued.
In this case, it seems like Coulier really appreciated the gesture from his former TV roommate. Responding to the backlash on Stamos’ post, he took to his own Instagram feed to defend his friend.
“It’s our friendship (me and John) and this is how we are handling a very tough time. I’m a comedian and humor is what drives me,” he wrote Tuesday morning.
“John knows how to cheer me up and I laughed out loud when he arrived wearing a bald cap – being a true loving friend and brother.”
It’s important to remember, however, that just like every cancer is different, every cancer patient is different in how they best feel supported by their friends and family while navigating their difficult health circumstances.
In forums and social media feeds around the internet, cancer survivors have weighed in on how it made them feel when loved ones offered to shave their heads or alter their physical appearance in solidarity while they were undergoing cancer treatment.
In a blog post for the University of Virginia Health System, one breast cancer patient said she felt very supported when her friends threw her a party and all shaved their heads together.
“It was so fun, and it made it so much easier to be a bald woman surrounded by other beautiful bald women! I still get a little teary thinking about the love and support I felt that night,” she said.
However, the post reminds well-meaning loved ones that the intent of a supportive act doesn’t necessarily mean the impact will line up and, ultimately, you should check in with your loved one on how they will best feel supported.
“I wore a wig so I wouldn’t have to feel like a cancer patient every time I looked in the mirror,” another cancer survivor explained in the post. “If someone (shaved their head) for me, I’d be reminded of the cancer every time I looked at them.”
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