When people learn that my job as a sexual wellbeing specialist involves reviewing vibrators for the Filter – as their official Vibe Rater, if you will – they assume I’ve got it easy. That my work, in every conceivable way, must be a pleasure. But I get my hands dirty, probing everything from sustainability to sensitive data security to supply chains, to ensure buyers don’t get (non-consensually) shafted. Vibrators are coming out from under the covers. They used to feel shameful and secretive, picked from a mail-order magazine or a poky shop with blacked-out windows; today, we’re infinitely more liberated about toy ownership. We’re putting our hands in our pockets, too: the global sex toy market was valued at approximately $37.5bn last year, and it is projected to climb to $83.85bn within the next decade.
But navigating this sprawling landscape can feel overwhelming. And while “adult appliances” may now be 10 a penny, it’s not uncommon for top-end devices to cost hundreds. Reading a switched-on guide before you buy is a must. Here’s a little insight into some of the things I had to consider when writing mine.
Dangerous liaisons: sex toy safety
Erotic gadget retail can be a mucky – even dangerous – business in ways you may not expect. The first international standard for sex toy safety, ISO 3533, was introduced only in 2021. Prompted by studies that showed an increase in emergency room admissions after accidents with poorly designed stimulators, the standard attempts to make toys less perilous.
Yet abiding by ISO 3533 is voluntary, not mandatory. Moreover, it assumes toy manufacturers are sufficiently knowledgable and rigorous enough to conduct their own risk assessments. Having toured many factories where men previously in finance “thought it’d be cool” to start a sexy business, I can attest to the alarming number of people who don’t know their arse from their elbow creating items intended for use on the genitals.
So: ISO mark or not, the first thing I analysed in my vibrator guide, to the best of my ability, was safety. Items that might land you in A&E or as an anecdote in Adam Kay’s latest book were immediately discounted. One cheap bullet vibe I tested had a loop of fabric cord, so you could “hang it round your wrist or in the shower”. Add residues from lubricant, body fluids and bathroom mould spores to that cord, and it’d quickly get more hazardous to health than Rapunzel’s plait during an outbreak of nits. Big no.
Accessibility for all
The most impressive toys I assessed usually resulted from multiple rounds of R&D, rather than rushed out to jump on trends. Notably excellent inventions have also emerged from developers actively considering how it’s not just non-disabled, neurotypical people who desire and deserve sexual pleasure. Adult toy brand Rocks Off dedicated years to finessing its Quest range of accessible toys, collaborating with disability charity Enhance the UK.
The entire shopping experience, “from a clearly navigable website to packaging that could be opened easily, even using your teeth – was designed, developed and tested by disabled people”, says charity CEO Jennie Williams. “We had to consider factors such as how sensory issues can impact toy texture for neurodiverse users; how deaf people may worry about vibrator loudness, and being unaware of whether anyone can overhear them masturbating; and how bigger, LED-lit buttons might assist visually impaired people.”
I’d wager several of the inventions that emerged from this process could benefit everybody’s body. Take Rocks Off’s Elevate cock ring: it has four hoops around the outside to make it a cinch to pull open and slide on and off, even if your grip or dexterity is limited, or your fingers are covered in slippery lube.
There’s a lot more at play with sex toys than first meets the eye, so I hope my reviews prove helpful. Will more adult product guides be on the horizon for the Filter? Well. Never say nether.
This week’s picks
Editor’s pick
From a bath soak to help them sleep to an affordable coffee press to improve their morning caffeine hit; extra chocolatey biscuits (rated highly by Grace Dent) to Jess Cartner-Morley-approved pumps; massage balls for sore shoulders to life-affirming novels, every item in our bumper Mother’s Day gift guide is designed for the wellbeing and happiness of the mother in your life.
And for the traditionalists among you, there’s even a bunch of letterbox flowers. Take it from us: we’ve got Mothering Sunday (30 March this year) covered.
Hannah Booth
Editor, the Filter
In case you missed it …
If a big bouquet is more your mum’s style, read our guide to the best online flower delivery services. Zoë Phillimore put them to the test, filling her house with 17 bouquets (and prompting her regular courier drivers to ask if everything was OK) so we could recommend only the longest-lasting and most beautiful blooms. There are some sustainable, British-grown options, too.
Get involved
Have you ever been surprised by a brand or retailer going above and beyond on customer service? Maybe they repaired an ancient raincoat for free or brought a much-loved kitchen appliance back to life with a new part.
If so, let us know by emailing us at thefilter@theguardian.com.
