Many of us have done something embarrassing at a work Christmas party, but faux pas usually only extend to an overfamiliar chat with the boss or some bad Dad dancing.
This week’s Sex Column reader went a little bit further at her company’s festive celebration, with an X-rated wardrobe malfunction and a kiss with a married man.
She’s now being iced out by her colleagues, and is dreading going back to the office again in the New Year.
Read the advice below, but before you go, don’t forget to check out last week’s column, from a dad-of-two who’s unsure whether to let his wife come back after she left him (and their kids) for another man.
The problem…
I started my first job in the summer and was getting on really well, until I disgraced myself at the firm’s Christmas party.
I’ve never been to anything like that before, and was amazed that everything was free, and the bosses were handing out drinks and nibbles while the rest of us had a great time. At first, everyone was on their best behaviour but at a certain point in the evening all the top people went home, leaving us to it.
I really love to dance and although I felt a bit shy to begin with, I soon loosened up and was giving it everything on the dance floor. I honestly don’t know how, but at some stage a few buttons came loose on my blouse, and my bra started to show. I just carried on dancing, showing my boobs to everyone, without a care in the world. In fact, it felt great, and lots of the guys were encouraging me to strip right off (I didn’t).
I ended up getting together with a colleague, who kissed me passionately and groped me all over, on the fire escape outside. At the time I loved every moment, although one of the girls took me aside and told me he’s married, so I avoided him after that.
The next morning, we still had to go into work, although the bosses gave us a late start time. In the cold light of day, I did feel embarrassed about how I’d behaved at the party, and it was obvious that a few of the girls were giving me the cold shoulder. When I tried to apologise, I was told to ‘shut up’ as I ‘obviously enjoyed behaving like a drunken slut’.
We have now closed for the holidays, but I’m dreading going back in the New Year. I feel like I’ve ruined everything by making such a fool of myself.
The advice…
I understand how horrible you feel, but most of us have done daft things at some point. It just isn’t possible to get through life without some sort of cringe moment to look back on.
Maybe a few drinks relaxed your inhibitions, which is fine; but it’s never a good idea to drink so much you lose control. Are you okay with the way that guy behaved toward you? Depending on how much you’d had to drink and what actually happened, this could count as sexual assault – so think hard about whether you want to take it further.
But assuming you weren’t so drunk you didn’t know what you were doing, this might be a case of ‘least said, soonest mended’. You’ve apologised now, so don’t keep bringing it up – if you put it in the past and move on, other people will too.
Give everyone time to calm down, and just show how hard you can work and what an asset you are to the company. People won’t think badly of you for long, if you don’t give them cause to
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
Got a sex and dating dilemma? To get expert advice, send your problem to Laura.Collins@metro.co.uk.
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